Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
