im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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