I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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