My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
