I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
