You're completely useless in the revolution.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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