Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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