You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize