i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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