i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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