I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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