So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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