if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
