I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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