Michael Bay diarrhea
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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