Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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