Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
