I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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