she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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