like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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