Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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