so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
