im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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