im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
