dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
