capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
