I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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