But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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