I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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