Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
