The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
not ubering you a puppy
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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