I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
