no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
