i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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