I could have mohawked her pubes.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
