is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
