You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
