I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
