just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
