She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
