Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
