You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My vagina just recognized that song.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
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Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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