That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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