Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
