yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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