Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
