I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
