I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
