I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
