so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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