listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm too high and old for this...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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