I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
