Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
