I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
