we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
