sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
