Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
