Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize