I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
