Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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