I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
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Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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